October 9, 2017

I had an overwhelming urge to stop in Brandon, Manitoba and stay the night in my car. Which I told my sister was "urban camping". When I made this decision I wasn't sure why. But now I know. That reason was Big Al.

Friday night I arrived in Winnipeg around 8pm and was greeted at the door of my Airbnb by a 10 year old who was wearing football padding. He let me in the house and showed me to my room in the basement. I brought my suitcase down and started to get settled when his mom (Alisha) came down to introduce herself. She was wearing a shower cap and was in the process of dying her hair black. Clearly this woman had many Airbnb guests in her home because (1) she let her kid answer the door to a complete stranger and (2) she had no problem meeting a stranger while wearing a shower cap. I was right, she went on to tell me there was another Airbnb guest in a bedroom down the hall. He had just arrived from Japan.

Since I arrived so late and was tardy on organizing plans for Winnipeg I missed out on an opportunity to meet with a friend I had known back in Ottawa who now lived in the city. Instead, I ended up doing laundry and getting to bed early since I finished a full day of driving already and had big day of playing tourist planned for Saturday.

The next morning when I met Kito (Alisha's husband) and their infant son. We chatted a bit before I left. He, and everyone I spoke to, gave me the same response when I asked what I should see during my time in Winnipeg, "well, there isn't much but I'd say see The Forks." So, I headed out the door to The Forks. I was underwhelmed with the market. However, the greenspace, river, and sculptures outside were cool. I wasn't sure what else to do so I paid for parking for 4 hours and remembered another suggestion I got.

A social work friend from Ottawa recommended that I see the Canadian Museum of Human Rights. The architecture of this building is incredible. It costs $18 to get in. There are 8 floors of galleries and they'll even let you borrow an iPod with complimentary earbuds to take yourself on a guided tour of the place.

On the wall in bold is the first line of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights: "All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights". As I walked into the first exhibit I was absolutely overcome with emotion. This emotional walloping continues on nearly every floor of the museum, save for the 6th because it was closed for renovations. What a world we live in. It was a beautiful disheartening mess to see the utter atrocities committed at the hands of other humans beings and then to witness the resilience and tenacity of those fighting for and winning basic human rights. How can we justify our behaviour of not only withholding rights to people who are different than us, but physically abusing, imprisoning, and murdering them? I'll never understand.

I used to have a burning passion for social justice and human rights. It's what kept me going through three university degrees after all. I worked with abused women and their children, people with disabilities, kids in poverty, and at shelters for the homeless. But now I find myself several years post academia in the non-profit world with battle fatigue. The problems are so big and I'm just one person. Sometimes it's such a thankless job. How do you get passion back for something you once loved? Can you outgrow something like this? Or is life just too heavy right now? If you have the answer I'd love to know. For now, as is often said by flight attendants (and in social work circles) "put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others." I guess that's what I'm doing - putting on my oxygen mask. Or struggling to at least...

Okay, I'll get to the good part, why I slept in my car for the first time.

So, I leave Winnipeg Saturday afternoon after the museum with the intention of heading to Regina, SK. I get a couple hours into the drive and I am compelled to stop in Brandon, MB. I'm not tired but for some reason I want to stay the night there but I don't want to book accommodations. I park downtown and Google "things to do in Brandon, MB". I don't find much. I decide on a movie. Afterwards it's 9pm and I leave the theatre for McDonald's to use the free Wi-Fi. I check my e-mail, Facebook and I also download a movie on my iPad. After I mindlessly scroll the interwebs I am ready for "bed"...ahem, backseat. 

I head to a Wal-Mart parking lot because many blogs say you can park for free in relative safety because they are open 24/7. But the one in Brandon is closed. I should have known. There are some cars and RV's in the lot but I don't have a good vibe about it. I head to a Tim Horton's instead. I back Greta (my car) into a spot near the drive-thru where I am mostly out of the way of streetlights and customers. I hop into the backseat and set up my iPad on box on the floor. I settle in with a blanket, a pillow, and some leftover popcorn to watch my downloaded movie. It takes me hours to feel comfortable enough to close my eyes but around midnight I finally drift off. I reason that Greta has super dark tinted windows and if anyone is going to see me they'll have to come really close and I'll probably wake up if they do.

at 9:21am finally wake up. I was completely shocked at how late I slept. I expected to wake up with the sun and get back on the road. I head into Timmie's and I grab a medium hot chocolate in a large cup topped up with water (I hate coffee). As I exit, there is a man likely in his 50s sitting on a cooler at the corner of the building. He is wearing a tan work jacket like my Dad used to wear. I notice he has on a baseball cap and the bluest eyes I have ever seen on a person. His fingers are blackened as if he has been working in a shop for decades. He looks up at me and asks if I can help him out with a few bucks. I root around my purse and pull out a toonie and other small coins. I noticed he had a coffee already so I asked him what he was trying to get. He says "a chicken sandwich so I can pretend it's turkey." He sees I am confused by this response and follows up with "...it's Thanksgiving. I am alone and having nothing else to eat."

When I left on this trip I didn't account for Thanksgiving. I hadn't realized there was a holiday I would be spending alone on the road. My heart breaks a little more. I tell the man I am alone too. He tells me he is sorry to hear that and asks me why. At first I am hesitant and I tell him, as I do most people, that I am just on a road trip across Canada. But I take a breath and I go on to explain that my Dad died this summer and that I wanted to find peace. As I talk the man's big blue eyes begin to well up and mine do too. Tears fall onto his face. He tells me that many years ago he lost his wife and baby. He left too, on the road. He tells me where he has travelled, his physical ailments, and how he survives. He finishes his story by emphasizing that once you get down and out some people want to keep you there. That's what happened to him. He says the key is not to let those people keep you where they want you. He encourages me to rise up and quips with a triumphant fist in the air that he'll get there too. But I'm certain it will be much more difficult for him than me. We go on chatting for a while longer and I finally ask him his name. "Big Al" he says. I didn't think he was all that big but I don't question it. I tell him my name, thank him for a lovely chat, and wish him a happy Thanksgiving. We both have tears in our eyes again but I head over to my car and drive away. I cannot keep ugly-crying in parking lots.

I am still working out my relationship with God. I am pretty angry with Him at the moment but I am trying to believe that He has a plan and I guess I have to take the bad with the good. As a Christian friend of mine in Minneapolis said, "it's like a tree getting pruned. People usually think pruning is bad but it promotes growth in the tree." Seems to me like God may have been a little prune happy at times? Why would God let all these horrible things happen to me, to the millions of people profiled in the museum, to Big Al? I don't exactly understand the why just yet but there is one thing I do know. I was meant to meet met Big Al in Brandon, Manitoba today. He'll probably never know the impact he has had on my life or that I just told you about it. Maybe our paths will cross again someday. I remembered that he said that to me as we parted ways. Maybe they will. God willing.

Happy Thanksgiving.