Return of The Jedi
Yes, it's true. I moved back to Ottawa. Loving friends and family have been concerned about this decision. But even more so about the location I have chosen to take up residence. Let me assure you that I have not made this decision lightly. I am in my right mind and know exactly what I am doing.
Let me start with a story. It's relevant. Stay with me.
In June 2015, the charity I had been managing for 2 years shut down because Executive Directors on the steering committee of the "big 5" partner organizations made the decision that there was no funding left to pay staff and support our clients. These partners are heavy hitters in the city and each ED a philanthropic wizard with power and connections. What could little old me do to convince these 5 people that the services we were providing were necessary and that if we tried we could find funding? I plead my case to my Director and to that group time and time again but they still shut us down. In the end I failed. We held a goodbye party in the courtyard of our office building. Families we served came with their children, and potluck meals. We played, we cried, we said goodbye. 3 staff lost their jobs and hundreds of kids were left without our services.
In the weeks that followed our shutdown I applied for Employment Insurance, and new jobs. I moped around the house for a few weeks and then I made a plan. The time limit expired on sitting around feeling defeated that my powers of persuasion failed and as a result impacted so many people in a negative way. I made it my job to turn this around. I just knew it was the right thing to do.
I made calls and sent e-mails. I set up business meetings with two of our biggest funders and countless other partner organizations and supporters. I made presentations, and plead my case again and again. Guess what? It worked. 6 months later my tenacity paid off (it usually does) and I had a new and improved charity with two major funders and a new lead partner organization. I rebranded the program, hired back my staff and reached out to all the families we served before the closure. To date I am proud to say I have raised more than half a million dollars in the last 2 years and we have expanded to serve hundreds of new low-income families and their kids in Ottawa. There is no end in sight. I guess the "Big 5" were wrong. :)
See, the thing is, the Big 5 made the decision to change my life without me. I didn't want to be laid off. I didn't want to be broken up with by the Steering Committee. But the sun had set on our partnership and I had to let it go; they weren't in love with this program anymore. I could have taken it on the chin and moved on but honestly, that's just not me. I used that tough experience that I didn't know I needed as fuel. Everything happens for a reason.
So, let me bring this all together for you. 6 months ago someone made the decision to change my life again without my consent - this time for a different, more personal reason. But, you know what? I am thankful that my world was rocked so hard. My life was going in the wrong direction and I was trying to hold onto something that was not meant for me. The Universe needed to show me to move on. So I loosened my grip and I let go. There was no turning back and all I could do was use this experience as necessary fuel for my fire.
I grieved my many losses. I prayed. I meditated. I traveled. I asked my Dad in Heaven to show me the way. It took a few months but I got my answer and it leads me back to Ottawa. I looked at many apartments and I chose a cute two bedroom in my old neighbourhood. This is where the loving friends and family come in: They saw me absolutely fall apart 6 months ago and I have been away from the city since then. It's probably hard to imagine how much a person can change and grow in a few months but I honestly feel like a completely different person. Some have even commented that I seem more myself now than I ever was before.
6 months ago my autonomy was taken away. I left my job, I left my home, I left my friends, I left my city and I was without a boyfriend and a Dad. I asked for none of that. Moving back to Ottawa is a decision for me. Going back to my job is a decision for me. Choosing where I live is a decision for me. I have chosen forgiveness, not for anyone else but for me. Now I live for myself with love and kindness in my heart.
Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Wise words from Yoda.
Darth Vader said "Indeed you are powerful as the emperor has foreseen." I'll never turn to the dark side. I'm a Jedi, like my father before me.
The Jedi returns...to Ottawa.